The trophy wife..
I am truly blessed
being able to look back into my families life. There is one thing about it that I notice though, yet always kept inside my thoughts because well.. truth be told I didn’t understand then. Both my grandparents on both sides were “happily married” and together for years.
Both sides had their “happily married” Problems as well. That was just the thing in the 60’s/70’s. To get married, start a family, live simple. Both my grandfathers also had multiples of children outside of their marriage, during their period of “marriage”. So it’s safe to say that it was also a “thing” for husbands to step out on their wife.
Fast forward to my mom and dad’s generation. Marriage is no longer a thing, but divorce is extremely common. They split soon after I was born, and none of this I’d ever thought to question. Until I had my daughter, with marriage never happening and problems within 3 months of the relationship.
Three generations of struggling to stay together. From what I can see, it’s gotten worse as time goes on.
Nobody taught me about love growing up. That’s not really what people aim to teach in schools either.. not even in sex Ed do they make the main focus about LOVE. I had to figure that out on my own, the truth about Love and relationships. Here is a little bit of what’s been revealed to me
The common denominator for my grandmas, mama, and even myself in our relationships is that we were the prize to be kept. The Main chick, The Wife, The Trophy.
We were the ones that men wanted to be seen with, the ones that men subtly admired because of the esteemed aura we maintained. Women in my family carry a reputation of being strong, dignified, and powerful.
The only thing is, to be a Trophy you’ve also got to be plastic. A part of your spirit must be suppressed so that you can do your job of looking good, acting good, and being a wife.
1. To be a Trophy Means there is a Game to be Played.
There is a competition in Love when you’re regarded as a prize. The man who sees you as the trophy more often sees you as an untouchable possession of his that he keeps up on his shelf for none to touch only too look at and admire in relation to his accomplishments. You’re his trophy and to win you he had to play the game. Not your game, the trophy is just the prize. Not his game, he only craves the respect and acknowledgement. The game = The societal system has in play for all to watch. I think of it similar to that of a football game.
2. Winning The Trophy Means You’ve Conquered The TrophyAs a Goddess, I have no desire to be won over. No desire to be seduced or charmed into a relationship. Nowadays there is a strategy taken up by men to get the girl. Most people think nothing of it or even realize it because truth be told, it has been socialized into our culture as normal behavior. They chase you, give you attention, show up, show out, all with the intentions of conquering you. Not actually getting to know who you are.
3. Possession Is Not Love
There is a thing that happens when we confuse being wanted with being valued. We fall prey to the chase, and miss the signs that show us who this person really is in relation to us.. and if that relation is a healthy one or not. We get excited when we feel like we’re enchanting enough to keep him knocking at our door— without even thinking if they’re energy really belongs in our space.
Don’t ever confuse being wanted, with being VALUED. Someone who values you, may not ever even bother to chase you. They’ll just sit, watch, and wait until you’ve let them know that they’re presence is even welcome.
Mainstream has told us that men naturally want to conquer and chase their woman.
Well the UniverSoul lie detector test has determined.. THAT IS A LIE.
The man who wants to chase you, wants to overpower you and possess you as his trophy.
The man that wants to love you, wants to do everything DEALING with you.. on your own terms, and will openly make sure he’s making that apparent.
4. When women feel like the trophy, we are competing with each otherEver had this intense feeling of hate for another woman, when seeing the man your with give other women any ounce of attention comparable to the attention he gives to you? Then you take a good look at her and realize how physically beautiful and appealing she is.. and you think to yourself, she’s beautiful..
This is the seed of jealousy, that is living inside every woman who sees herself as a Trophy wife.
This aspect causes the greatest amount of damage, because it destroys the bond and sisterhood between the divine feminine. She’s now turned against her sister, because of the ideologies she’s absorbed and accepted as her reality.
We then begin to find things to hate about each other, all the while smiling in each other’s faces. It happens all the time, and it really has got to stop.
Letting the love of your status in a mans life, dictate how you see other women when he sees fit to begin devaluing ALL WOMEN, not just you— is not the way to go.
5. Being Possessed, Means Having a MasterAre you free? No I mean in every sense. See I used to think freedom was something tangible, something defined by where I could go physically.. and trust me that’s a huge part of it! There is s freedom we get denied however, when we begin to follow our heart and utilize our minds. All of a sudden, we’re tripping.. because this freedom we crave to tap into will undermine the master.
He won’t be in charge anymore, he won’t be pressed to make decisions that will keep his fear of losing power alive.
You see when a woman is truly free, in every sense. Society has very little impact on her, but the other way around. She’s empowered by life, and doesn’t have to be afraid of being vulnerable in this world. She’s learned strength and vigor through her love for life.
A woman seen as a Trophy, is expected to fulfill a trophies role. And that’s to compliment her man, looks, words, thoughts.. everything!
As soon as you start to have a mind, a voice, and opinion.. you’re stepping out of your role..and now you’ve got to get back in place.
Rid Your Mind Of Your Socialization
This is important to see, because it is groundwork for many abusive situations that happen quite often. Nearly half of Of all men and women in the U.S. alone experience some type of psychological trauma or abuse in relationships. There is also a link between abusive relationships and child abuse.
Its time We begin to look long deep and hard into the mirror and see who we truly are in this life, so we can transform this world for the better.
A lot of people think they love themselves, but I challenge all those people (even you) to question the depth of your love— Are you experiencing any of what I mentioned above? And if so, what are you doing about it right now? It’s worth your energy if it means you’ll be free.